Your
child needs to know that no matter what happens, you are always going
to be a consistent parent. Maintaining consistency means that you are
going to be patient, connected, adaptable, and edutaining with your
child all the time, so your child knows what to expect from you, and
you know what to expect from them. Here are some pointers on parental
consistency:
Do
not sway in how you react to your child day to day, even if your
child makes mistakes or has a temper tantrum. Instead, a consistent
approach in your parenting is crucial. Especially how you react to
and resolve these types of situations.
Be
Predictable. An inconsistent parent may yell at their child one day
for a particular behavior, but the next day reacts with patience and
use a similar situation as a teaching moment. This inconsistency
only creates confusion for your child’s expectations.
Don’t
let your moods interfere. My mother was very inconsistent because of
her feelings. If I wanted to ask her a question, I knew not to ask
when she was on the couch with a migraine, but when she was busy
baking, I knew that it was an excellent time to ask. I had to assess
her mood before approaching her because she was very inconsistent in
her attitudes and her parenting.
Let
your child know that they can rely on you. By being consistent, they
will always know what to expect from you and that they can depend on
you to help, teach, and motivate them.
Don’t
be a Lawnmower Parent. This
method is the type of parentwho
cuts a path or “lawn” for their child by finishing everything
for them, such as completing their child’s homework for them or
resolving all their mistakes for them. In the end, their child never
learns how to fix their issues or errors. While this is a
“consistent” approach, it is not a healthy one. A better,
consistent approach is to let your child know that you will always
strive to be connected, fair, attentive, patient, and adaptable with
them.
When
you think about consistency, ask yourself how you typically react in
different situations with your child. Do you lose it when you’re in
a bad mood, or do you keep your cool? Be as consistent and reliable
as possible with your child as you can, regardless of your mood, and
they will learn to be consistent and authentic with you, too.
Adaptability
is about how you respond to your child, especially when things do not
go as planned. Your child will have a variety of great days, bad
days, and everything in between. Here are a few ways you can apply
adaptability to your parenting and keep your child motivated:
Intrinsic
Motivation
1)
Choices
What
do you do if your child does not want to do something?
You
can intrinsically motivate them by allowing them to make choices or
small decisions. Before I began using healthy competition to
encourage my child to brush his teeth, I had to physically put the
toothbrush in his mouth and brush for him. I eventually realized that
I had to adapt because it was not working. He needed to learn to
brush himself.
I
took him to the store and let him pick out two toothbrushes to get
him more interested in brushing his teeth. Being adaptable meant
giving him some choices, so he felt more involved and motivated. Now
he has 24 toothbrushes!
If
your child is a picky eater, try giving them choices about what you
buy at the grocery store for dinner. Let them pick if they want
chicken or steak, for instance. Then, pick out a couple of good
options and let them pick again. Now they have a vested interest in
the meal. Finally, get them involved in making dinner, emphasizing
that they helped to pick out the food for dinner. Take it a step
further and work on creating a recipe together.
2)
Make it Exciting
Build
up the excitement when you want or need your child to do something.
If you tell a bunch of 7 to 9-year-old children to do push-ups, for
example, do you think they will be excited? Instead, if you give them
options and motivated instructions, they will excel.
Do
you think they would instead do just a few push-ups, or would they do
more if you told them that they would become “one of the most
awesome and strong students in the class!” by doing a few more? The
chances are that they will choose to become awesome and reliable.
This type of intrinsic motivation excites them to make an extra
effort.
3)
Compromise
Another
form of adaptability through intrinsic motivation is compromising
when responding to your child’s requests. If your child comes home
from school and wants a treat, but you want him to wait for dinner
first, they may throw a temper tantrum or get upset because they
didn’t get their way.
Providing
a compromise that doesn’t affect their appetite before dinner but
allows them to get what they want keeps the situation in perspective.
For example, let the child know that they can have two gummy bears
out of the bag now, and the rest after dinner. This incentivizing is
a way to adapt to their request and keeps within your rules about not
eating snacks that will spoil their appetite for dinner.
Extrinsic
Motivation
Kids
Like to See You Suffer!
Sometimes
you need to pull out the pain card! Kids like to see you suffer or
pay the price in some way. You may use extrinsic motivation, such as,
“If you can do this drill without any mistakes, I’ll do
push-ups!” They want to see you suffer through the push-ups, and
they will do whatever it takes to make you have to do them.
I
use this concept with my son. If he starts to procrastinate just as
we head out the door, I use healthy competition and extrinsic
motivation to get him moving! I tell him that if he runs to the car
faster than me, I’ll do ten jumping jacks. He wins the race every
time because he wants me to do the jumping jacks. Then, he counts
everyone one of them off as I do them. Being an adaptable parent
means using external motivation when necessary.
As
you consider your level of adaptability today, ask yourself if you
ever apply similar intrinsic or extrinsic motivation to your child.
If not, consider adding them to your parenting tool kit. Your child’s
behavior will change based on their mood, so the best way to parent
is to adapt to their day as best as possible.
Being
a nurturing parent means adjusting your child’s behaviors, not trying
to change them. In other words, change the behavior, not the child.
Let
Children Know that Mistakes are Okay
I
get excited when my son makes a mistake because it allows me to teach
him, which is what parenting is all about. Address your child’s
errors in a nurturing way to help them learn and grow without feeling
bad about themselves. Let your child know that everyone makes
mistakes. Don’t get angry at them when they make a mistake, but take
the time to explain how they can do better next time. Look at it as a
time to help your child improve so they can feel good about who they
are. The most important thing is to let them know that mistakes are
okay.
Redefine
a Child’s Weaknesses
Every
child has behavioral weaknesses. Some get mad when they don’t win and
physically show their anger by acting out. Others are empathetic and
cry every time they are disappointed or sad. From one end of the
spectrum to the other, your child will have a range of emotions.
The
first key to redefining your child’s behavior is to redefine your
perspective. For example, you may think that the only thing you can
do to alleviate your child acting like a poor sport is to remove them
from situations that trigger these behaviors, like eliminating games
from their schedule.
Or,
if your child cries easily, you may decide that they should not
participate in situations where they may cry yet another time. This
perspective focuses on the child and not the behavior.
Instead,
turn your attention to what their behavior means and create a course
of action that helps them funnel their personalities and behaviors in
a positive, productive way, which begins with nourishing and not
negating their innate passions and skills.
Nourish
a Child’s Skills
If
you look ahead into the future, you can see how a bull-headed child
or a bad sport might use that passion and fire. That passionate drive
may help them become the best CEO of a company, dedicated and
committed to being the very best.
Or,
the child who cries a lot may become an adult of compassion and
empathy, a caring parent, and a person who wants to change the world
for the better. None of this can happen if their behaviors are
stifled instead of explored.
Try
not to stifle the passions and emotions that make your child who they
are. Instead, consider how you can help them modify their behaviors
to nourish their desires and innate talents. This nurturing requires
providing ways that they can be who they are through positive
reinforcement of who they already are, which ultimately helps them
become thriving and successful adults.
Choose
the Direction
How
do we get from here to there? From the spoiled brat to a successful
CEO? From crybaby to the caring parent and teacher? The key is to
point their behavior in the right direction. The best way to deal
with your child’s actions is to turn them into strengths.
For
the child who gets upset when he loses, you might adjust their
behavior by saying, “I love that passion that you have, but
let’s work together on other ways you can express that passion and
desire to others.” Instead of the ordinary “If you do that
again, you’re out” mindset.
For
the child who cries often, don’t shame them into thinking that they
must toughen up. Instead, let them know that you love their heart.
Tell them, “I love that you get sad when you lose because you
want to do better. But, crying all the time makes other people sad,
too. Let’s see if you can choose a better way to show that you are
sad than just crying.”
Remember,
nurturing means changing the behavior, not the child. No child is
born with a proper sense of good behavior. Just like adults, they
make mistakes, and that is how they learn. Make sure to look at their
mistakes as opportunities for education versus punishment.
The
moral of the story is that when you look at your child, don’t focus
on their behaviors. Instead, see the child who will one day use their
passion to become a fantastic adult one day. See your child as a
great CEO or a person who is going to change the world for the better
one day.
Be
the parent your child needs you to be. They need you to be in their
world. That means interacting and playing with them on their level to
prompt them through the tasks and chores they don’t want to do. Here
are some tips and examples of using effectively using edutainment
with your child.
Practice
Healthy Competition
The
child’s brain loves novelty. That is why healthy competition and
games get them excited. You can help your child accomplish the daily
tasks they do not necessarily want to do by adding a fun edutainment
component.
Edutainment
in daily tasks may include incorporating a game or competition into
their nighttime routine to prompt them to get ready for bed, pick up
their toys, or brush their teeth long enough.
For
instance, when it’s time for bed, create a healthy, fun competition
that gets them excited. You might tell your child, “Okay! It’s
time to get ready for bed! Let’s see who can race to the bathroom the
fastest!” Once this completed, follow up with “Who can get
their toothbrush out and put the toothpaste on the fastest?” or
“Who can brush their teeth the longest?” For toothbrushing,
when you know the two minutes is up, you can finish first, allowing
them to win the competition of brushing for at least two minutes.
Then, follow up with how surprised or excited that you are that they
won.
Be
Playful with Your Child
Your
child is not going to behave all the time. They are not perfect. When
your child throws a temper tantrum, is upset, or is insistent on
something, add something playful to the mix that takes their mind off
it.
If
my son throws a temper tantrum, sometimes I pretend in a silly way
that I am falling and hurt my foot, and he laughs. Or, if he sits in
a chair that I specifically told him that I am going to sit in, I
playfully act like I am going to sit on him. He likes the silliness,
and it detracts and redirects him away from his original temper
tantrum or harmful behavior.
Think
Outside the Box
Playfulness
and silliness work, but other times creative solutions help your
child accomplish their tasks and chores. Homework is one thing that
your child may not enjoy. Think outside the box to what excites them
and incorporate that into their homework time.
Younger
children love tents, so building a shelter or fort in the living room
together where they can go to do their homework is an exciting way to
mask the doldrums of homework. For teens, coffee shops are typical
favorite hangouts. Going to one where they can have their favorite
coffee drink and do their homework is a treat that they enjoy. Both
scenarios change your child’s negative outlook on homework to
something positive.
How
edutaining are you as a parent? Whatever your level, you can better
implement healthy competition, fun, and creative approaches to
motivate your child. A child’s way of interpreting things is rarely
ever black and white, usually because they are not eager to learn.
When you edutain, you help them learn in a behavior that they
embrace.
How
can you set your child up for daily success? One of the most
effective ways to do this is to focus on prompting instead of
punishment. Here’s what you need about inspiring your child toward
ethical behavior and decisions:
Friendly
Competition
One
of the ways to encourage your child toward good behavior is to create
a simple competition where you dare them to turn a negative behavior
into a positive one. If your child is fidgety and doesn’t sit still
or tends to be disruptive, for instance, create a friendly
competition or prompt that steers them to better behavior.
To
have them sit still, you may ask, “Let’s see if you can sit
better than me!” This challenge puts his or her focus on trying to
do better than you. They learn how to sit still without even
realizing it.
A
Dose of Praise
If
your child wins the friendly little competition, or they do something
well, give them a good dose of praise. A few encouraging words such
as, “Look at how good you are at this!” are positive
reinforcement that makes them feel good about themselves and their
accomplishments.
Set
Your Child Up for Success.
The
whole goal behind prompting is to catch your child doing good things.
How often do you find them doing something proper rather than bad
behavior? Every time you catch your child doing something right, let
them know. Along with praise, setting your child up for success means
you recognize and reward their good behaviors. In fact, the more you
catch them doing good things, the more their brain tells them, “I
like this!” which gives them a good reason to continue.
Brain
Power
The
more you punish your child’s behavior, the more cortisol (stress
hormone) is released and goes to your child’s brain. So, what kind
of mind do you want your child to have? A mind that is excited about
doing good things, or a brain that anticipates getting in trouble? I
know my choice. I want my child to be always enthusiastic about doing
good things.
Redirect
Helping
your child improve their behaviors involves more than prompting them,
setting them up for success, and catching them do good things.
Sometimes prompting requires redirection. Redirection is merely
redirecting their attention in a different direction when they are
upset, worried, or anxious. Completely change the subject to
something positive and engaging. If they are upset, redirect them to
look out the window at something exciting, or ask about a favorite
toy. This type of prompting helps divert their attention to a
positive experience that supersedes their other challenging emotions.
The
final question to ask yourself is how well you prompt your child for
successful interactions and behaviors. I think we can all agree that
children will not have the very best discipline all the time. To
improve their level of discipline, we must prompt them all the time.
Then, catch your child doing good things and set them up for success.
Take
a few extra seconds when responding to poor behavior. These seconds
demonstrates compassion, empathy, and self-control on your part.
Sometimes all you need to do is think about responding in the most
patient manner to help re-direct your child. A few seconds can make a
big difference.
Ask,
Listen, Explain
Patience
helps you to establish better solutions for difficult moments with
your child.
If
your child has a temper tantrum, for instance, take a few seconds to
calm down before reacting. Then, ask questions to help determine what
is driving the behavior. Listen to what they say and then explain
what they could have done instead.
Patience
can lead to understanding and solutions. Be patient and ask the right
questions to get your child back on track.
Give
a Do-over
A
do-over is precisely what it says – the chance to do something
again. Using patience means allowing your child to act in a better
way than they did the first time around.
The
perfect time to implement a do-over is when your child says something
out of anger, such as “You are not my favorite mommy!” A do-over
begins by telling your child that this is not the proper way for them
to speak to you. You may start with, “Let’s do this over. What is
a nicer way to talk to me when you are upset?” This question gives
them the chance to explain why they are upset in a different way. It
may be as simple as they didn’t want to stop playing to eat dinner.
Allow them the chance to re-phrase and then go from there, such as
letting them know that they can play more, just after dinner.
When
you allow your child a do-over, you use patience with your child and
apply patience to the way that you react to their behavior.
Provide
Teaching Moments
Many
people assume that discipline means “to punish” when it means “to
teach.”
When
your child makes a mistake, you can either punish or discipline
through patient teaching moments. In a soccer game, if a player
misses the ball, the coach doesn’t yell and get angry with them.
Instead, they explain what went wrong and help the player by letting
them know how they can improve the next time.
A
parental teaching moment is the same. When your child makes a
mistake, use patience to explain what they did wrong and provide them
information that will help them improve or not make the same mistake
again. A teaching moment offers options and solutions, while
punishment does not.
The
question to ask yourself today is how patient are you with your
child. How many times do you give them do-overs? Try to provide them
with as many do-overs as possible so they can learn how to behave and
communicate better. In the long run, both of you learn valuable
teaching moments through patience.
We
understand that COVID-19 is still causing many significant events,
schools, and other social gatherings to cancel their events. In the
wake of this extraordinary situation, many families are ordered by
the Governor to self-isolate. Therefore, we will continue our
two-week at-home training program for another two weeks.
If you didn’t see our previous post about the At-Home Training Program, that’s okay. You can still start anytime. However, our program runs another two weeks! That’s four weeks of training with our school.
You
don’t need to be an enrolled student to participate. Just let us
know you’re doing the course and we’ll make sure you get credit
for the work. When you do enroll at our school, you’ll get class
credit for all four weeks.
These training videos include age-specific lessons that are fun to follow while targeting your child’s stage of development. You can print the planner from the notes section of our Facebook page and follow along with the video for fun training with some of the best martial arts instructors in our industry.
Here’s how you access the planners
In
your browser, go to our Facebook page, and select the appropriate age
group for your child or children.
Download
the planners, take pictures (or videos) of your child training and
then email us or post it in our Facebook group, and your child will
get class credit.
Don’t
worry that these planners are different from a typical class. The
goal is to keep your kid’s body and brain learning while we are on
break! These planners can be taught by parents, grandparents,
siblings, friends, babysitters, or anyone at home.
Links to the Video Lessons
These
links bring you to the ‘On The Mat’ YouTube videos for each
planner. You can follow along with the instructor and students.
Repeat the lessons as much as you like.
Little Ninja Tots (3 and 4-year olds)
Week
3, Lesson
5:
Week
3, Lesson
6:
Week
4, Lesson 7:
Week
4, Lesson 8:
Little Ninjas (5 and 6-year olds)
Week
3, Lesson
5:
Week
3, Lesson
6:
Week
4, Lesson 7:
Week
4, Lesson 8:
Little Ninjas (7to 9-year
olds)
Week
3, Lesson
5:
Week
3, Lesson
6:
Week
4, Lesson 7:
Week
4, Lesson 8:
Ninja Warriors (10 to
14-year olds)
Week
3, Lesson
5:
Week
3, Lesson
6:
Week
4, Lesson 7:
Week
4, Lesson 8:
Benefits for You and Your Child
The
even better news is that your child will get class credit for
following each planner! Email our school or make a post in our school
Facebook group with a picture or video of your ninja training, and we
will add a class credit to your record for each planner.
Wait,
there’s more.
Weekly Challenges
Each
week, we’ll offer three challenges for Friday, Saturday, and
Sunday. These challenges touch on the physical, intellectual, and
emotional aspects of Kempo training. An additional challenge is to do
the lessons Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Then do the
daily challenges on the following days. Warning, this is only for the
best students at our school. Non-superhero students won’t be able
to keep up.
Share this with anyone else you know who practices martial arts. They can win too. Remember to post these videos on our Golden Leopard Kempo Facebook page, or tag them with #goldenleopard #kempochallenge #athometraining
On
behalf of our entire team, we thank you in advance for your
participation in this program and look forward to seeing all the
awesome pictures and videos!
Wash
your hands, and stay healthy. Don’t stop training! See you on the
other side.
Do
you ever feel like you can read your child’s mind? You know what
they are going to do or say next because they have had the same
reaction before? This profiling is attunement. Improving your
attunement skills will allow you to create a more patient and
understanding relationship with your child.
Modify
Your Child’s Behavior:
Be
attuned to your child’s anxieties and try a creative approach that
allows them to focus on positive behaviors and interactions instead
of their fears or stresses.
Your
attunement to the fact that your child has anxiety about going to
school in the morning, for instance, help them relieve their stress
by adding some interactive playtime with them before school. This
playtime will boost their endorphins, so they feel good and less
stressed. Allowing them to run off some of their energy in the
morning creates a positive and consistent change in their behavior.
Wait
for the Right time
Applying
patience is an attunement-builder because when you understand your
child’s mood, you can eliminate some of the everyday struggles you
have with them.
If
your child wakes up happy most mornings, but grumpy after naps on the
weekend, you already expect that behavior. It might be better to wait
or to be patient until they feel a little less irritable to talk to
them or ask them to do something. You will get better results that
way, and they will be less grumpy when they respond.
Understand
Your Child’s Stage of Development
Being
attuned to your child’s stages of development will break some of
the assumptions that you have about them, which will improve your
relationship and understanding with your child.
When
you ask a 3 to 4-year old to sit on the floor, they seem to roll
around a lot. Are they not paying attention? The chances are that
part of their behavior is due to their physical stage of development.
Physically, it is uncomfortable in their core muscles to sit on the
floor for long without rolling back.
Similarly,
10 to 14-year olds seem lazy. They look like they do not have enough
energy to take the trash out after watching a movie. What’s going
on here? Research shows that they are physically, scientifically
exhausted. Their body and brain are changing from kid versions to
adult versions, which makes them seem less than smart and overly
lazy.
By
being attuned to their stages of development, you can communicate
better with them, knowing what to expect and why.
Anticipate
Language Barriers
Being
attuned to your child’s development in language skills will help
you understand their responses and reactions, and not get frustrated
if they only respond to bits and piece of what you ask. If you
learned a foreign language for only a few years and heard a
conversation among fluent speakers, would you understand it entirely
or only be able to pick out a word, phrase, or topic here and there?
If
several children hear, “Molly, can you come here” it is possible
that several of them will come running instead of just Molly. This
reaction is because they only heard the instructional phrase and not
necessarily the name. Kids apply the only language skills that they
have at their age of development, which for a 3 or 4-year-old is only
three or four years!
Practice
Response Flexibility
Probably
the best thing you can do to improve your reactions as a parent is to
practice response flexibility. Being flexible with your child’s
mood and deciding what requires action immediately and what can wait.
Or, realizing that it is not necessary to be harsh every time
something terrible happens.
Recently
my son decided it was a good idea to do a flip on top of me when I
was on the couch and busted my nose. Instead of yelling at him, I
used response flexibility and kept my reaction in perspective because
I know that he didn’t do it on purpose. He was playing, and I had
to keep that in perspective. Explaining what happened to them and
using it as a teaching moment is a more responsible way to respond
using response flexibility.
Attunement
all comes down to how well you know your child and their moods, and
how well you know yourself. Start thinking about how you can help
your child use the right behaviors by being more attuned to their
development, behaviors, language skills, and mood, and most
importantly, try to practice response flexibility when the unexpected
happens. Sometimes your child will learn more from how you respond
than from what you say.
One
of the most important things that you can do as a parent is
establishing a connection with your child. Children need connection
more than anything else.
Here
are a few ways that you can begin to build a great connection with
your child:
Daily
Interactions:
Make
one-on-one connections with your child. Instead of asking a question
from across the room, take an extra 15 seconds to walk to your
child, get down on their level, maybe tap their shoulder or touch
their arm, and ask the question. Chances are they will engage right
away (instead of ignoring you) and answer you because you have made
that personal connection.
Connect
with your child as many times per day as possible. Every positive
connection with your child means fewer disconnected or frustrating
moments for both of you.
Begin
positive connections when your child is young. The more positive
relationships you make early on, the better they will respond and
communicate as they get older. Over time they will have a strong
enough connection with you that you no longer need to be right in
front of them for them to answer your question.
Reduce
stressful interactions. Good connections reduce stress or cortisol,
which is the stress hormone. If you get upset with your child, it
makes them angry, too. By improving your connections daily, you
begin to eliminate some of the obstacles in your communication with
them which also reduces stressful interactions
Boost
their Neurotransmitters!
You
can “up” your child’s neurotransmitters to build a better
parent-child connection, which means improving your relationship with
your child by giving them positive reinforcement in a variety of ways
that will allow them to thrive, feel happy, and be healthy.
Tell
your child about something that is going to happen that is exciting
so that they can look forward to it. This expectation improves the
neurotransmitter Dopamine, which is the anticipation chemical.
Hug
your child and let them know they are essential. Oxytocin is the
chemical that reacts through touching.
Give
your child praise for good behavior or a job well done. Recognition
improves Serotonin, which is about feeling satisfied.
Finally,
give your child the chance to run and play or engage in a fun
physical activity, especially when they are stressed or feel
anxiety. Active movement involves endorphins.
The
last crucial bit of advice is to self-assess. How connected you think
you are with your child right now? On a scale of 1 to 5, what grade
would you give yourself? Put these tips into action and make a better
connection with your child because the more you connect, the better.
With
schools and other activities closing due to the coronavirus outbreak,
many parents are finding themselves filling the roles of teacher,
coach, guidance counselor, and hall monitor as the kids try to
continue their studies in the home learning environment.
The
first few days were likely an exciting new adventure. Still, as we
continue to try to balance working from home, maintaining the needs
of the household, and serving as the frontline for our kids’
education, we will likely experience new stresses. Kids who sit still
for their teachers or listen to their martial arts coaches may not
want to exhibit the same studious behaviors for their parents. And if
there are siblings involved, you may even find yourself serving as a
referee as the battle ensues.
Fear
not, we are here to help!
You
most likely do not have the training that educators have. Kids will
naturally exhibit their worst behaviors around you because they feel
the safest expressing their frustrations, fears, and desires to those
who love them the most.
Your
homeschooling adventure does not have to be a perfect recreation of
the classroom or dojo. It only has to encourage kids to love
learning. Once you relieve yourself of this burden, things will be
much easier.
That
said, you must have the tools needed to help kids get the most out of
the time spent with you as their new teacher. The instructors at 4GK
Martial Arts in Patchogue go through extensive training to be able to
keep students engaged and enthusiastic, while also moderating
behaviors. Read on to see how you can use some of our favorite
teaching tips in your own home.
Here
are eight teaching skills our pediatric ninja specialists use in
every class to help keep kids engaged in the learning experience:
1. Healthy Competition
Competition
no doubt allows students of all levels to step up their game, and if
you prompt competition for your lessons in a fun way that splits the
class into teams, then it’s not only healthy – it’s FUN too! If
you have multiple children, this can be as simple as seeing who can
draw the most number of triangles in 30 seconds.
If
you have a single child, or your kids have a broad age gap, you may
have to step in as the competition. Kids love seeing adults in agony.
Just think of the shows your kids watch, and when they laugh the
most, usually it’s an adult getting hurt or making a mistake.
Challenge
them that if they can write their sentences in five minutes or less,
you will do five push-ups, but if they take more than five minutes,
THEY will have to do the push-ups. The challenge is not about
punishment; it is about FUN (and the extra boost of endorphins will
help break the stress).
2. Choices
When
your kids get to choose the activity at hand, they become more
motivated to put forth more effort. Kids tend to feel as if they have
little control over their lives, and this can lead to some major
tantrums. As parents, we sometimes don’t trust our kids with
authority because they will make less than favorable decisions.
Stripes and polka dots!?! No Way!
By
providing choices, we let the kids feel a sense of control over their
lives. The choice is essential for their development as someday they
WILL have to be the one making the decisions. It is even more
critical for their mental well-being as they are trapped at home,
isolated from their friends because of social distancing practices.
When
setting up the lessons for the day, have the flexibility to provide
your child with a choice. If you tell them spelling is next, you may
get pushback. But if you ask whether they’d like to do spelling
first or math first, they will feel empowered; and since both of the
choices you provided were acceptable options, your stress levels will
go down, as well.
3. Re-directing
We
can all agree that many kids will not have the very best discipline
all the time. To increase the level of discipline and effort in
class, we must continuously be catching and rewarding students that
are trying hard and leading by example. The simple act of setting
your kids up for success is the key to maximizing good behavior in
class.
Focus
on what is going right rather than what is going wrong. For example,
imagine you have two siblings, and one is on task, but the other is
dawdling. Most of us would try to correct the dawdler. Instead,
praise what you like about the focused child. “I love how focused
you are, Johny! That shows me that you are a person with good
discipline.” A natural reaction will be for your other child to
seek similar praise by modeling the behavior you said you liked.
You
can also use a similar technique for a single child. The goal is to
“catch them being good.” When you see the behavior you want, even
if it is for a split second, praise it. Positive recognition works
even better if they don’t think you are watching. It is a slow
process, but you will start rewiring their brains to exhibit those
positive behaviors.
4. Trickery
Trickery
is a humorous way to help build focus, engagement, and connection.
The concept is to try and trick your students into ‘going’ or
‘starting’ by using words that sound like the word ‘go!’
We
use this in class mainly for physical movement activities. For
example, when starting a martial arts drill that has two or more
teams competing against one another, we may count down, “Ready…Set….
GOOSE!” The kids get a laugh, it breaks the tension, and encourages
them to be ready to perform, but not to over anticipate.
You
might use a similar bit of trickery when encouraging your kids to see
who can collect the most amount of different kinds of leaves in 2
minutes.
Side
Note – thinking outside the box about conveying lessons is also a
subtle form of trickery akin to sneaking onions into the meatloaf.
Collecting different leaves can teach about shapes, math,
biodiversity, or even cooking if they are edible leaves. Not every
lesson needs to be about notes and textbooks.
5. Up the Rep
Most
students become tired towards the last few reps of activity,
particularly in high rep drills, or activities which include a lot of
physical or mental exertion. This tip consists of a strategy for
promoting mental toughness throughout each rep. So that the student
becomes better at every rep.
If
your child has to write a set of spelling words five times each,
penmanship will likely decline, and errors will increase as the child
goes through the motions. One way to use the Up The Rep concept would
be to encourage the child to have the first set of words be the
sloppiest and worst spelled, the next set a bit neater, and so on
until the last set of words is the neatest and best.
Penmanship
provides them an achievable goal beyond merely completing the
assignment, and helps them learn to practice mindfully rather than
just going through the motions.
6. Neurobics
The
concept is to get the left and right hemispheres of the brain working
together by challenging the brain to ‘think’ more during lessons.
Neurobics improves cognitive performance, which is how well a student
can think and remember what they learned in class.
In
the martial arts environment, we will perform exercises while
counting by colors, or count our repetitions with names of foods. The
reason this works is twofold. First, the addition of physical
movement to the activity increases blood flow to the brain, which
carries additional oxygen and nutrients to improve cognition. Second,
by forcing the brain to think in unique ways, neurological activity
spikes, which allows the brain to take in more of those nutrients.
By
reciting vocabulary words while doing jumping jacks, for example, the
increased neurological activity helps make the memory more concrete.
As a bonus, the endorphins released during physical activity help
reinforce that learning is a positive activity.
7. Intrinsic Motivation
This
concept works by giving the kids options for performance, and then
they chose the hardest option because they want to. We use this in
our martial arts classes with great success. This tool works best if
you can tie it to a character trait that the child wants to exhibit
naturally.
For
example, if a child has to write an essay, you could give them three
options about how long that essay will be. This option is similar to
the Choices tool mentioned above. It is empowering for the kids to
have some control. By then tying each level of choice to a level of
awesomeness, the kids will more likely choose to perform at the
highest level.
“For
your ELA homework, you have to write an essay about how much you love
martial arts. Now, if you want to have good writing skills, you’ll
write three paragraphs. But if you want to have rockstar writing
skills, you’ll write four paragraphs. And if you want to have super
ninja black belt writing skills, you’ll write five paragraphs.”
Make
sure that all three levels are acceptable for the assignment, and
within the stage of development for your child. Don’t prompt the
kindergartner to write five paragraphs, because no matter how super
ninja they want to be, it is unrealistic.
8. Extrinsic Motivation
This
concept is when a person puts forth more significant effort based on
external rewards such as prizes, praise, making others happy, etc. It
is easy to overuse this concept, so be mindful of how you apply it.
This
one is the simplest. “If you do your homework, you can have ice
cream.”
We’ve
all bribed our kids at least once in our parenting lives. To make
this tool even more productive while maintaining a healthy boundary
of control, tie it together with one of the other seven ideas.
Instead of “If X then Y,” try something like, “If you can get
your art homework done in 15 minutes, you can have ice cream, and
I’ll do five push-ups.” Or, “If you finish your science packet
by 10:30 am, you will get to choose the movie tonight.”
By
tying multiple ninja teaching techniques together, you can create a
learning environment that is full of fun, but which also encourages
kids to love learning. Remember, when all else fails, step away from
the kitchen table and find a way to have fun. To a child, play is the
path to knowledge, experience, and wisdom. If you can make the
lessons fun and interactive, there will be less stress for everyone
involved.
Let
us know which Ninja Teaching Tool worked best for you!